Posts Tagged 'alienation'

Q&A: Isolation

DoodleIn Questions and Answers I try (as a true ExpEx, Expert-by-Experience) to answer some of your questions, as brief as possible.

Question that was asked yesterday:

“Why do we isolate ourselves when we are depressed?”

Answer: In my view there are four main factors that can make us isolate ourselves when in a depression: (1) Broken Filtering, (2) Exhaustion, (3) Shame and (4) Alienation.

The first one means that during depression, all sensory impulses from the world around us can come in either too weak, or much too harsh and intense; in which case we tend to protect ourselves from total confusion by temporarily “shutting off”. For a description of this mechanism, see my post Broken Filtering.
    The next two factors, exhaustion and shame, are more self-evident. Exhaustion can be caused either directly by depression itself, or by the lack of adequate sleep that sometimes comes with depression. We then isolate ourselves because we feel we don’t have any energy left to get in touch with others. As for shame, this of course has to do with the self-deprecation that is inherent to depression. I discussed this several times here; for an example see my post Shame.
    The fourth factor is the feeling that we’re already isolated and alone anyway, that nobody understands us in our depression, so it won’t matter anymore: a kind of indifference together with a feeling of alienation. For a description that comes close to this effect, see my post Fleeing the Party.


Unbearable Lightness Online

Doodle 
 
 

No-BrainerSometimes the unbearable lightness – fluffiness, I should say – of the Internet as a whole is really irritating me. But it also demonstrates how depression can come with an incidental perk: being different! Our poor depressed brain may be far too susceptible to negative feelings, but at least we’re still trying to use it.

    You know as well as I do how Internet is fluffifying our world. Stare at your screen and for a while try following a link trail, roaming randomly from site to site. Soon you’ll realize again how near-total vapidness has taken over online. Yes, some online content of real importance, originality and interest still does exist – but often it gets completely drowned in this endless sea of fluff.

    Technically, our worldwide bottomless pit is a great achievement. But what are all those gigabytes used for? For instance, go take a revealing look at Google Trends. A daily list of the top search terms typed in by Google users. It shows in a depressing way what topics first and foremost occupy the American mind. Important news items? Politics? Economy? Science? Religion? Education? Art? No. No. No. For the main part, it’s Fluff. And it’s the same fluff wherever you go.

Lady GagaThe Twitter Counter shows us who are most popular on Twitter: (1) Lady Gaga with over 20 million followers, (2) Justin Bieber, (3) Katy Perry, (4) Rihanna, (5) Shakira, (6) Britney Spears, (7) Kim Kardashian, (8) Barack Obama, (9) Taylor Swift, (10) Selena Gomez, (11) Nicki Minaj, (12) YouTube, (13) Ellen DeGeneres, (14) Oprah Winfrey, (15) Ashton Kutcher, (16) Eminem, (17) Justin Timberlake , (18) Kaka, (19) Chris Brown, (20) Twitter.

    Kate Perry just reported to her over 16 million followers that she’s been working on some new dance moves in her spare time today. Good to know! I must say I’m relieved the Twitter top 20 also has a few stray ones who once in a while might have to say something of actual interest – Obama? Oprah? People who don’t even sing or dance very well? Amazing they made it!

    There are two non-persons in the Twitter top list. The first is of course Youtube. Naturally we want to be tweeted (and clog the Internet lines) immediately for any new hilarious video of a Man Tripping Over His Garden Hose, or a Cat Running Into A Glass Door. I really do my best to understand. The second non-person among the top-tweeters is Twitter itself! This is tweeting about Twitter. And then tweeting about people who tweet about Twitter. And then…

Brain version 2.0

When I looked at the Twitter top list page, their “Featured Twitter User” was one Ariana Grande. Her tweet: “I’m off to bed now. Just wanted to say hi, talk about romantic TV and check up on you all, lol. ???? Have a good night everyone! Luv u.” Thank you so much, Ariana. This was just what I needed to know. Brilliant.

    Yes, maybe I’m just jealous. Maybe I sorely feel left out. My own stupid fault. I don’t even want a Fluffer Twitter account – still reading newspaper websites, you know. Maybe I’m just a dumb sod. On the other hand, at least I stubbornly keep trying to use my brain. Shouldn’t this be reason enough to keep up some self-respect? Even when confronted with all this Unbearable Lightness that seems to have become the norm? All these pseudo-events?

Pseudo-Events

Daniel Boorstin    Meet Daniel J. Boorstin. Yes I know, he looks like a poor sod, too. Not very good Facebook material, I’m afraid (apart from the fact that he’s long dead). But as a historian and social theorist, he had some interesting thoughts. In 1961, long before Internet, he published The Image: A Guide to Pseudo-events in America (get it from from Amazon). In this book, he discussed how the emergence of new media (at that time mainly news, advertising and TV) had caused a deluge of something new: “pseudo-events”.

    Pseudo-events are events or activities that exist primarily for the purpose of the media publicity, without serving any other function in real life. For a modern example, take a Kim Kardashian press conference. This is not about all those vital, important things we might learn from the mouth of a media-produced fashion doll: the main thing here is the event of the press conference itself.

    Because such pseudo-events would be meaningless without being present in the media, they become “real” only through getting media coverage. This means that eventually, the reproduction or simulation of subsequent pseudo-events will become ever more important. Consumers will begin to value them as “real”. Put differently, pseudo-events will begin to generate ever more new (but similar) pseudo-events. Gradually, a media world filled with a never-ending stream of pseudo-events will push the actual world with its actual events to the background. Thin air will now be seen as important.

    Looking back, we must give Boorstin his due recognition: while just describing a trend of the 1960s, in fact he predicted exactly what Internet would begin to do after his death. Today’s new media have amplified this trend of pseudo-events to absurd, grotesque proportions. Our TVs, laptops, tablets, phones spew out a constant stream of self-replicating (and imitating) pseudo-events.

Taking a Photo of Taking a PhotoThe main difference with the 1960s is that back then, most people still were consumers rather than producers. They were still mainly at the receiving end. Today, each Twitter or Facebook user is also constantly busy producing and spreading his own pseudo-events.

    To rephrase Boorstin’s original definition: you can now make every little dumb thing from your personal life into a pseudo-event by tweeting about it. Without that tweet, it would have lacked its new pseudo-event status. Instead of “tweeting”, here you can of course also read “posting a YouTube video” or whatever you like.

    The result? An Internet that for a very large part keeps filling and refilling itself with useless and meaningless junk. A constant, relentless stream of media-tuned pseudo-events that may look varying on the surface, but are basically similar. We already got a deluge of Commercial Pseudo-events. Sport Pseudo-events. Celebrity Pseudo-events. And thanks to social media, we now have a zillion of Personal Pseudo-events floating on top of that.

What Has This To Do With Depression?

Chronic depression, frequent online activities, and Internet’s overwhelming fluffiness are three factors that can interact in several ways. At the core is your rising awareness that all this fluff that so obviously appears to fascinate most of mankind, seems not interesting to you at all.

    This can intensify your feelings of being abnormal, excluded, some kind of outcast. It may translate itself into questions like the following ones:

 Am I the crazy one, or has the rest of the world gone mad?
    Answer: you’re not crazy. Just different from an apparent majority of people online. Instead of worrying about being different, see this as a positive asset. You may have an intellectual, emotional, creative depth that many Internet users seem to be sorely lacking!

 What am I missing here? What don’t I see that all those others do?
    Answer: the problem is not that you’re seeing things less clearly than others. It’s that you’re seeing things more clearly than others. To begin to understand the massive popularity of dumb YouTube home videos, first you need to take several drinks. Make sure you’re fully intoxicated before trying to watch them.

Kardashian Upside Down Am I the only one feeling this way?
    Answer: of course not. Many people feel alienated by the shallow irrelevance of most online content. And there are also people online who keep trying to offer content that is more substantial. You only have to search much harder to find them: they’re in online nooks and crannies buried underneath the prevailing, dominant layer of fluff.

 Did depression cause my general lack of interest?
    Answer: not necessarily. Maybe you’ve always been intelligent enough to find fluff boring. But depression may have made your attitude more cynical, with the result you are now more easily bored by what used to entertain or amuse you.

 Does my lack of interest worsen my depression?
    Answer: only if you feel somehow guilty about it. But why should you feel guilty about finding all this attention for Kim Kardashian’s choice of dress utterly boring? This kind of guilt will not happen if you manage to identify a few remaining items online that actually do interest you a little.

 So are all those Kim Kardashian fans just plain stupid?
    Answer: yes. But unlike you, they seem to be happy.

 So why are all those Kim Kardashian fans happier than I am?
    Answer: I’m not sure. Probably because they are stupid.

 So you’re sure all those Kim Kardashian fans must be stupid?
    Answer: I already told you, yes!

 So it’s all those Kim Kardashian fans who are really stupid? Not me?
    Answer: if you keep asking this, you’re stupid.


• note: As you will have guessed, this entire post is intended not only to comfort you, nor just to lessen alienation feelings caused by the utter vapidity of today’s Internet.
    From a fluffy point of view, it’s only quantity that matters – not quality. Therefore, in sly and devious ways, this post is also designed to increase our visitors score!
    Using highly advanced SEO (Search Engine Optimization) techniques, we will lure thousands of clueless Kim Kardashian fans into coming over here and take a curious look. Of course they won’t understand a thing of what this is all about, but what does it matter? It will make this page into its own pseudo-event!


 

Classifying Depression

[...] not yet recovered from a horrible week. You will understand that some posting-gaps may be unavoidable when depressions keep knocking me out. So what happened to me this time? To answer that question, maybe we should classify first: what kind of depressions or moods we are talking about? By the way, don’t look too long into the symbolic black vortex below. It will make you dizzy. It may suck you in.

Black HoleBack to classification. Standard schemes are of little use to us here. Maybe you know about the Bible of formal, accepted psychiatry: DSM-IV-TR. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) in its fourth edition (IV), last text revision (TR). Basically, for major non-bipolar depressions the DSM-IV lists the following five subtypes:

    1. Melancholic (apathetic, underreacting)
    2. Atypical (sensitive, overreacting)
    3. Catatonic (mute, stuporous)
    4. Postpartum (after giving birth)
    5. Seasonal (recurring in autumn-winter).

As you see, this list has a fundamental flaw. It is inconsistent. Numbers 1, 2 and 3 are based on criteria of mood and behavior: on the symptoms a depressive patient will show. Numbers 4 and 5 on the other hand are based on situational criteria: on the circumstances of a depressive patient. This makes these types rather arbitrary – we might just as well add an unlimited score of more situational depression varieties:

    6. Geriatric (at age 70+, especially in homes for the elderly)
    7. Alcoholic (recurring with the mornings-after)
    8. Inmatic (after being locked away in prison) –

and so on. But because all such situational varieties will show symptoms of either 1, 2 or 3 (Melancholic, Atypical, or Catatonic) this effectively leaves us with only those three as the different kinds of depression. In essence all three are modes of reacting to stimuli from outside, in three different patterns: underreacting, overreacting, or not reacting at all. For me, this is too thin. Therefore, let’s try something different.

    If we were to focus more on feelings instead of reaction modes, could we link different kinds of depression to different emotions? The most common shortlist of basic human emotions always comes up with the following sixpack:

Emotions Cocktail    1. Sadness
    2. Joy
    3. Anger
    4. Fear
    5. Love
    6. Surprise

Before you ask, yes I could certainly couple depression types to each of them: for example a Love-depression might torment you with the feeling that you really don’t deserve the love you give and get.

    Anyway, this list of feelings is not quite right, too. Sadness is the opposite of Joy. But the other ones are no opposing pairs. If Anger is the negative emotional reaction to someone else’s behavior, then where is its opposite? Shouldn’t that be something like Approval or Gratefulness? The opposite of Fear would be something like Courageousness or Boldness. The opposite of Love is missing here too: Hate. And what about Surprise? Unlike the other ones, this is not something that can last on its own, for hours or days or years. Surprise is a momentary reaction, not an emotion.

    In short, this list is inconsistent too. It also misses a few essential feelings: for example Indifference, which in my view should count as a true emotion or feeling in its own right: one that plays a very important role in some kinds of depression. Or another example, Hope? Why is Hope not in this shortlist of “basic emotions”?

    Sigh. All this gets us nowhere. Maybe we should try a color scheme. Yes, really. Apart from White and Black, the three primary colors are Red, Green and Blue. Depending from how we mix them, we can get endlessly more shades, such as cyan or violet. Now if we limit ourselves to 10 basic colors, we might link them to 10 different types of depression:


  1. White Depression
  2. Pink Depression
  3. Red Depression
  4. Orange Depression
  5. Brown Depression
  6. Yellow Depression
  7. Green Depression
  8. Blue Depression
  9. Gray Depression
10. Black Depression

I am the first to admit that this list is even more arbitrary than any other possible list.

    But to me, at least today, it makes some sense. Because now I can simply tell you this: over a week ago, my lapse started with a tsunami of Blue Depression that confined me almost paralyzed to my bed. This gradually became a seemingly endless state of Black Depression, pondering failure and death and more, which briefly got mixed with some razor sharp episodes of Yellow Depression when unexpectedly some friends visited me and I felt acutely how I would never ever fit in. Today, I first landed in an absolutely terrifying episode of Gray Depression where nothing mattered anymore, nothing at all, no matter whether I looked at the walls or the floor or out of the window. Writing this dull silly post late at night I still do feel terrible, but it has become more an Orange Depression now, one that has me forcing myself to do all those pointless things that I feel will be no help anyway, that will not help me at all. See?

    At least this color comparison may have helped me a little to find words for the inexplicable moods that like an unstoppable train railed and still rail over my nearly-dead-feeling self.

    I am afraid that for today, this is all I can produce by way of positive thinking. Next time better? If there is a next time, yes. I just cannot feel entirely sure at this moment.


 tip: Any time you see a list classifying something, from a list of feelings to a list of IKEA furniture, don’t take it as is.
    Try to come up with an alternative list of your own, classifying the same in a very different way. This may help you see some little things you wouldn’t have noticed otherwise.


 

Alien World 1: Lost Pigeon

Last summer I sat at my table drinking coffee, when through the open door a pigeon came sailing in. Suddenly, it was there. A terrible scary noisy wild fluttering over my head, going round and round in the cramped space of the room. A few times it banged against the window glass. After a while it gave up and landed right before my nose on the table. It started randomly pecking about, apparently looking for food. Or was this a panic reaction? I grabbed my camera and shot a few photos:

Pigeon on the Table 1

    Having concluded that here was nothing to eat, the bird made a few more tentative steps and then stood still, quietly and thoughtfully contemplating its new surroundings. Small shaky head movements showed the intensity of looking around and taking in everything. For a moment I tried to see the strange, unusual, alien environment in the same way as this lost pigeon was seeing it. Trying to comprehend. A bluish bowl of walnuts that normally belong under a tree; a coffee can shaped like a giant egg…

Pigeon on the Table 1

    At times, a few times when very depressed, we are that pigeon. You are in your own room, but at the same time you are lost. Looking up from your hopeless thoughts, you suddenly seem to have landed in an alien place where you don’t belong, where you have been never before. Over there stands a chair but it doesn’t look like a chair: it’s a weirdly-shaped, harshly-colored obstacle standing there in its own right, brutally challenging you to guess what it is. Those sounds you hear – maybe you vaguely know it’s supposed to be music from a CD, but this is a random sequence of painfully loud cries and bongs and pings and pongs, with no beginning, no end, no order, screaming for what?

    The outlines of walls and windows and things are so edgy and straight it hurts your eyes. And for some unfathomable reason your senses got hooked in another dimension, they must be, since suddenly you smell that sweet scent of crumble-cookies, those never-ever seen-again yellow… yes your mother used to bake them when you were a child, and you hear the voice of that nextdoor bully chasing you from… now what is that big black thing over there?

    Good. Let’s step back for a moment and try to figure out what is happening at moments like this. Some kind of short circuit in your brain? Going crazy? Actually I think it is more a very primitive self-defense mechanism that jumps in when you are on the edge of self-destruction. A mechanism that changes your awareness and perception levels, a mechanism that starts pulling random rabbits from its hat, all just to protect you from yourself. A mechanism that not just sidelines what you were thinking before: it also deliberately tries to scare you, will make you afraid of no-matter-what, afraid of a chair or a coffee cup if it needs to. Why? Because being afraid is in fact safer than not being afraid anymore and doing what you were so destructively thinking about.

    But this is only part of the answer. There is more to this. Even after your worst panic or fear has subsided and you have regained some presence of mind, you may still be asking yourself: “What the **** am I doing here?” For a while this pointless question may keep lingering in your mind: a remainder of feeling lost in a world where you do not belong.

Portrait of Dora Maar by Pablo Picasso, ca. 1937    Can you remember moments of intense alienation? Moments when nothing around you made sense anymore? Maybe you can even remember a moment when your best friend, in the same room, who a moment ago sat talking to you, briefly looked like a pink jellyfish with huge alien eyes and a strange flapping beak making weird hoarse sounds.

    This is exactly how that pigeon must have seen me, when I tried to gently coach it back into the real world. Once I got it through the door opening, it immediately took wing and sailed away to its own horizon. And we?

    I want to say more about these moments of alienation. But not now – sorry, it’s been enough.


 tip: Sorry again. Thinking of the old Herman’s Hermits hit: “No milk tip today, my love has gone away.” Just for today.

Pink jellyfish footnote:
Portrait of Pablo Picasso’s girlfriend Dora Maar, ca. 1937.


 


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Today In History:

Arthur Conan DoyleMay 22, 1859 –
Birth date of Arthur Conan Doyle, the Scottish physician and writer who in his popular stories (from 1887 to 1927) created the best known detective ever: the sharply observing and deducing Sherlock Holmes.
   Doyle profiled Sherlock Holmes as an obvious bipolar character, with both manic-active and depressed-lethargic episodes. In the stories, Holmes keeps trying to overcome his periodic depressions by playing the violin (sometimes), smoking (frequently) and using cocaine (as a real addict).
   Portrayed in this way, Doyle's Sherlock Holmes probably was the first popular fiction character suffering from frequent depressions.

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