Spoiler alert! Because we, the strange outlandish tribe of Depressed People, always tend to spoil the fun. Especially with these nice cozy civilized occasions like Valentine’s Day.
It’s coming again: this weird February circus of heart-shaped sweets, handwritten cards, red roses, pillow-soft kisses, whatever. Everything that you, the Normal People, seem to enjoy and believe in.
We, the horrible, lonely, ragged, mentally disturbed Depressed Ones, we can’t even understand it. And the little that we do grasp, does seem to exclude us. Wo don’t fit in the picture. We feel our heart sink only further away into its already bottomless tar pit when a day like this appears on the horizon. And according to you, we are just being negative.
But let me tell you – somehow, we cannot help it. In our twisted, tortured, abnormal, spiteful mind this whole hypocritical circus evokes no glittering dream fantasies of pink satin bed covers sprinkled with rose petals. Rather, it brings up something stony and cold. Something like this:
Now don’t worry, I won’t be too much of a spoiler. Nor will I repeat my last year’s Valentine’s Way post or the anti-Valentine song that came with it.
And you, my target audience, my dear depressed ones, you probably don’t need any more tips about how to cope with kitschy horror like this. I gave you some tips a few years ago with Christmas, remember?
Anyway, you may be depressed but you’re still breathing, so I guess you’re probably already a long-standing member of a Valentine’s Day Survivors Support Group. Well, just try to carry on!
My Gift To You
As my Valentine gift to you all, here is the one and only Crooning Mafioso: no one but the frightful Frank Sinatra himself, singing his sugary Funny Valentine song. Complete with its typical, veiled Omerta death threat in the ominous final lines: “Stay little Valentine stay, each day is Valentines day”.
Each day? No! No! Please, please Godfather, I beg you on my knees, don’t do that to us! We’ll do whatever you want, but please, don’t do that to us!
And another spoiler alert: if you happen to be an actual Sinatra fan (assuming you exist) then better skip this song. You see, to make The Voice even more devilish than it already was, I did a little bit of sound editing.
Frank Sinatra (voice edited by me) – Funny Valentine
For a full StayOnTop playlist, see the Music page.
• tip: In the very hardest, darkest moments of the cruel tribulations that await us, remind yourself of this: all leading disaster experts predict that on February 15th, some kind of global recovery effort may set in.