Since its introduction a year ago, the StayOnTop Mobile Electro-Shock Device has quickly become a tremendous success. Even our most optimistic business plan had not predicted that the “Mobishock” (as people nicknamed it) would become this popular! Mass-produced for us by Wanquan Fengkuang Inc. in Guangzhou, China, nearly half a million Mobishocks have been sold by now. ;-)
Wherever you look, in city buses, pubs, churches, college classrooms, on the street, everywhere you can now see severely depressed people pulling a Mobishock from their bag, attaching it, and quickly shocking themselves back to life. Within a minute, they’re sparkling, shining, and smiling again.
The Mobishock will certainly remain successful for years to come. It works absolutely great. But there were a few minor problems with it.
Several depressed customers began to complain about the Mobishock’s heaviness and bulk. And we have to admit it’s not really small, you always need to carry it around with you in a special bag. So we asked our engineers (all depressed people themselves, naturally) to develop an even better solution.
Guess what they came up with? Right: the unique, innovative…
StayOnTop Shocking iPad App!
Officially released last week, April 1st 2012, the StayOnTop Shocking App can now be downloaded at a nominal price from the Apple iPad App store. The only other thing you’ll need to do, is to order the two heavy-duty plugin cables. These come with special semi-rubberized suction headpads, so you won’t even need any gel.
The Shocking App offers you a very simple, friendly user interface. On the iPad screen, you just preselect your type of depression (“Incidental”, “Bipolar” or “Chronic”). Next you choose your desired shock level (“Moderate”, “Default” or “Extreme”). Then you hit “Go!” Of course the App will give you a loud warning beep if you forgot to properly attach the cables to your head.
The results are immediate and absolutely amazing. Your depression will be completely gone in a flash! But there is even more.
Thanks to the fact that the StayOnTop Shocking App generates electrical microbursts of extremely high voltages, in a few seconds it will also kill your iPad. So it does not just free you of your depression. It will also free you of the burden of your iPad addiction!
Another great feature of the Shocking App is that we minimized the sound nuisance for people near you. It is much less loud than the classic Mobishock. In fact, while you are shocking yourself, your friends will hear only a soft, almost pleasant sound. Click the Play button below to hear the Shocking App in action:
(if the player does not work, install Flash)
Here at StayOnTop, we’re very proud of this remarkable achievement. This is a superb product. We are very happy to serve the depressed community with this state-of-the-art software technology, and to make you really happy, too!
• note: We regret that, due to a patent conflict that keeps lingering on, for the moment the StayOnTop Shocking App does not yet come with any form of warranty.
May 22, 1859 –
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